Are Adult Autistic People The New Yeti? (Parody!)

September 20, 2017

 

It's a question as old as time, entrenched in mystery and wrapped in an enigma. The adult autistic, theorists believe, can be spotted in ancient tapestries and pottery. However, modern carbon dating and footprint analysis has only recently dared to confirm their presence amongst us.

Fraudsters have previously alluded to their presence by faking party invite cancellations and leaving ear defenders in shopping centres. A nationwide wave of sweatshop charity bracelets and leaflets with punctuation errors have swept the nation in an attempt to educate the man on the street about autistic adults (we left out women because they don't get autism).

Joe Entee, who lives in West Newtonshire, has been searching for these elusive humans for decades as part of his Patronising Anthropology Studies work at Woodfor Trees University:
"I tried everywhere: train stations, museums and even the edges of the Gobi Desert. It turns out they live amongst us. My best friend told me they're autistic but every time they've brought it up, I've apparently dismissed them by saying 'we are all autistic really'. That doesn't sound like me at all."

Now, a new wave of adult autistic people seem to be appearing in the media, places of work and supermarkets. Emboldened by social media networking like Twitter and blogs, new sightings are increasing by the day.

"My co-worker told me over lunch she was autistic. I nearly choked on my fajita" says an anonymous source. "I told her she must be mistaken because my nephew has it and she's nothing like him. She has a job, she's tall and she doesn't like Dr Who!".

As International Geographic map sightings across the world, they provide words of wisdom for amateur adult autistic spotters:
"Once ranked alongside the Loch Ness Monster, these encounters are becoming mainstream. It may mean we have to change how we do things and we don't like that. They're such rigid thinkers!".
 

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