To celebrate the upcoming Festival of Autism at Swansea University, (for more info click here ) where I am completing an MSc, I’ve written a poem.

‘Frozen’ attempts to give insight into the moments when social communication is required but not possible. This recent example was me trying to buy something in Superdrug when the lights, perfume and chatter made me begin to shutdown...

Frozen

Thrusting the tongue to resuscitate words
Like pulling spinach out of the sink
Eyes apologetically appealing
‘Fill in the gaps’
Breath gone

Not aloof, passive or odd, but an understudy
Desperately proving ambivalence
Rehearsed in a second language
Lamenting my mother tongue
Mirror for survival

Irretrievable, unwanted decorum lost to the senses
Lips rescue the face, protesting synapses
Mind screaming expectations
Inescapable noisy light
Mouth curling passively

Forceful air seeks words for an acceptable communion
Sacrificing impulses to manifest mutuality
Mumbling, makeshift connections
Unmasking resisted
Play on

Eyes narrow to mimic a synthetic smile
Restless soul betrayed for now
Daily dance of gestures complete
Body slumps to a ‘sorry’...
‘Do you have a points card?’